10 Things You Should Know About Losing Your Virginity
Important reading for anyone thinking about doing it.
In our culture, the first time you have sex is discussed a lot, but ultimately your virginity is really just what you make it. If losing it is a big deal to you then that's cool, but if it's not then that's also cool because ultimately, you are not your virginity. You're just you!
And it's worth remembering that whether your first time is good, bad or just a bit meh means absolutely nothing about what sex for the rest of your life will be like either. Practice makes perfect has never been truer than when it comes to sex and the more you know yourself and your partner, generally speaking the better it's going to feel for both of you.
But it's totally natural to be curious about sex - particularly if you're yet to get down to it - and there are definitely a few things to consider before doing it for the first time to make sure it's safe, fun and the best it can be for all involved.
Curious? Have a read before to make sure you're fully briefed and ready to get it on.
Losing your virginity doesn't just relate to P in V
Penis in vagina sex is just one of loads of different variations of sex and a pretty heterocentric one at that. Virginity is personal to everyone and it's your decision as to what you'd say constitutes you having lost it, be that through oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, using a dildo or whatever else sex means to you!
Some girls bleed, some girls don't
For some people, sex can hurt the first time while for others it doesn't at all. It's purely luck of the draw and is different body to body.
If you're female, any pain felt might come from your hymen breaking (if it hasn't already done so naturally, which is also v. common) and this can be what causes some girls to experience bleeding the first few times they have sex. This might involve a little or a lot of blood, so don't be too alarmed if you or your partner bleeds. Maybe just keep a towel handy or even do it on top of one if you're worried about your pretty floral sheets.
Sex feels weird
Realt talk: sex itself feels odd and whether you're a girl or a guy, it's unlike any other feeling you've ever had - in a good way obvs! Sex can also hurt a bit, particularly if you're the one being penetrated, but it's worth noting that it should still be pleasurable overall. If it hurts a lot or feels unbearable then stop!
And if you're worried or nervous then just take it slow. Don't be afraid to ask your partner to calm things down and keep it gentle until you feel more comfortable.
Foreplay is your friend
Not only is foreplay (aka all the sexy fun stuff you do leading up to full sex) a whole pile of joy, but it also serves a purpose. If you have a vagina then the more turned on you are in advance, the more natural lubricant you'll produce so that if you do have penetrative sex of any kind, the more easy it'll be to slip something up on in there. But that doesn't mean you might not still feel like you need a little help with this and that's where lube comes in. Seriously, the stuff is a godsend for making pleasure more intense and has the added benefit of reducing and feelings of discomfort.
It's also been scientifically proved that the more foreplay your have, the more likely both men and women are to orgasm, so why wouldn't you want to make the most of that...?
Girls can get pregnant on their first time
And even if there's no girl involved in the type of sex you're having, condoms are the only method of contraception that will also prevent you from catching STIs. And - SPOILER - you can have an STI even if you're a virgin, so it's worth using a condom either way if you think there's even a slight chance you or your partner could have something (and even if you don't tbh).
Also LADIES, while we have your attention, can we advise that you go for a wee after sex, no matter how much more warm and inviting it is to stay in bed? Doing so flushes any bacteria lurking about your vajay away and means you are less likely to get cystitis (which is goddamn painful) as a result.
Oral sex spreads STIs too
Anal and vaginal sex aren't the only ways you can catch an STI. Yep, oral sex can also spread HPV, syphilis, herpes, hepatitis B and gonorrhea - all things you definitely don't want and another reason why making sure you and your partners get STI checks is so important before you get down to it, especially if you're not using a condom.
Real life sex isn't like porn
You might have looked at porn hoping for a few tips to make you good at sex but - NEWSFLASH - real life sex isn't much like porn at all. It's a lot more awkward, silly and fun - plus a whole lot less scary than a lot of porn out there. Bear in mind that a lot of porn promotes misogynistic attitudes towards women and that whatever your gender, sex should be about mutual pleasure, so make sure you give and take, and if you're uncomfortable with any element of sex then tell your partner immediately.
Of course it is fine to experiment and try things once you've had a bit of practice; just make sure you always talk to your partner about what you're thinking in advance so that you are both very clear and consenting about the type of sex you're going to have.
Orgasms usually last about 10-15 seconds
Buuuut don't be surprised if you don't have one the first time. People don't climax during sex for hundreds of reasons anyway, but when you're nervous and doing it with a partner for the first time (well, few times plural), it's very, very normal not to orgasm.
This is not to say that you shouldn't try! Talk to your partner about what you like and vice versa as the better you know each other's bodies and what you like, the more likely this is. If you're both virgins this is likely to take a bit of time as you work out what you do and don't like so much. Either way, sex will give you a whole new level of intimacy with your partner and even if you don't reach the Big O, it can still feel amazing.
You might also come really quickly
This one's for the dudes because when faced with sex for the first time, it can be so exciting that you might find you come real quick. That's totally normal and totally cool, but if you do finish before your partner's had a chance to get there then why not just turn your attention to making sure they have a great time too?
No one can actually tell whether you have or haven't lost it
You might feel like a whole new person after your first sexual experience, but it's a myth that anyone else apart from you will be able to tell just from looking at you. Sex just doesn't change the way you look on the outside. Same goes for if you're a virgin: literally nobody can tell, which is good 'cos it's not really any of their business what you do with your body, is it?
Now why not check out this video of guys and girls trying to find their way around a uterus...