Every Insta You Need To Upload On Holiday To Say FU To Your Ex
A handy guide to getting revenge
One of the best things you can do after a big, disastrous, explosive, my-life-is-over break up is to get as far away as phyiscally possible from the person who broke your heart. Unless you end up on Ex On The Beach, in which case the vaycay probably won’t be so therapeutic.
Once the sob hiccup splutter crying has calmed down slightly, it’s time put down the ice cream, crawl away from your duvet and book a holiday with your best gal pals.
But everyone knows that, once you’re out there enjoying the sun, sea and souvenir shopping in your best bikini, there’s also a very strict code that needs to be followed when it comes to social media.
Because um, look at you - you’re hot stuff. Your ex is obviously gonna be stalking you while you’re away living your best life, so you may as well use it to your advantage.
If you’re serious about showing your ex exactly what they’re missing (you can still want revenge and be totally over them, right?), then you’re gonna need our handy guide to every Instagram you need to upload on holiday to say FU to your ex.
The one of you sipping a Pina Colada while hanging off the arm of a buff, bronzed and beautiful human being
Grab the closest person who looks like they're carved from marble in their swimmers and you're good to go.
The one to very subtly remind them how much they're missing your perfect peach
As Gemma Collins famously once said, "You ain't never gonna get this caaaahhhndy!"
The one where you're basically touching noses with an A+, floppy haired fittie
Guaranteed to make them wonder who is this mystery holiday romance, and are you gonna be the next Marnie and Casey?
The one of you featuring some kind of cute novelty inflatable.
Because we all know that nothing says Prime Single Pringle Fun like a giant pink doughnut floating in the pool...
In fact, all novelty inflatables scream 'WHO EVEN ARE YOU AGAIN?' so the more the better, really
Have you even had a summer holiday unless you show off a giant, blow up unicorn / swan on your Instagram?
The one alongside your friends to remind your ex that you're probably talking about them right now
Either that or you're too busy socialising and suncreaming to even given 'em a second thought.
The one that shows you may as well have been on Baywatch and/or a swimwear model
If your friends also wanna flood the comments section with the flame emoji, it might come in handy.
The one to showcase your glowing tan of dreams while they're back in Blighty looking pasty af
Get that melanin, girl. But always use SPF while you're doing it, obviously.
The one that features you looking slightly damp yet seductive in your swimming cozzie
What is it about wet hair that makes you feel like some kind of smokin' siren seductress?
The one of you looking like super sophisticated wife material at dinner, accompanied by a mystery date
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it rather than dumping me, you knob.
The one of you looking longingly, thoughtfully and drop dead gorgeously at the beach horizon
The problem was that you were just too deep and meaningful for their tiny pea brain to ever understand.
Bonus points if your beach horizon also includes an aesthetic rope swing, palm trees and a great bikini
Because you've totally found yourself and become a whole new woman without them. Hair flick.
The one that says you're far too busy being intelligent and cultural to be heartbroken tbh
Even if you just take one photo at the famous monument and then head straight back to the pizza and 241 Blue Lagoons. Still counts.
The one that announces yep, you do in fact have a really good pair of boobs
They are quite frankly magical, and your ex needs to know that they're never gonna be blessed by them again.
The one from the fancy dress night when you put the Mean Girls rule to good use
Whether it's a foam party, a full moon party or a booze cruise - you're a mouse, duh.
The one when you're working the makeup free, giant sunglasses, I Woke Up Like This vibes
They gave up the blessing of waking up next to you every morning, and that's just not okay.
The one that shows your spending your days looking flawless on the beach while they're stuck at work
Hope you're having a fun time with your commute while I'm riding jet skis and banana boats, d-bag.
And last but not least, the one featuring a cocktail with a tiny umbrella in
Because nothing says good time like a tiny umbrella. OVER IT.
Words by Lucy Wood