There’s no denying the musical powerhouse that is Taylor Swift. At just 25 years old, she’s already won seven Grammys, 16 AMAs and countless country music awards. Add to that the sold out concerts, the product endorsements, the acting credits and the personal cosmetics line and it’s fair to say: the girl is prolific.

It’s also fair to say, if you’ve got a friend who’s a fan of Taylor Swift, they'll f**king let you know it. All the time. Even when you’re asleep. Here, then, are 11 struggles known to anyone who’s friends with a Swiftie...

Playlists

Going on a road trip? Throwing a house party? Having a study session? Burying your beloved pet? Declaring war on a foreign nation? No matter the occasion, a Swiftie will insist that the perfect playlist is a Taylor Swift playlist. And God help the fool who dares to suggest turning her off or playing something different. “You want something different!?” they’ll ask. “Then let’s play her Sounds of the Season Christmas album in March! We’re craaa-zyyyy! She’d love that. In fact, let’s tweet at her right now!"

#SQUADGOALS

Yes, Taylor Swift has some amazingly famous and talented friends. Models and actresses and bears, oh my! Put simply, her selfies look like American Apparel ads. The problem is, any friend of a Swiftie will have become accustomed to seeing their beloved pal forever favouriting photos of Swift and her friends, then adding the hashtag ‘#SquadGoals’. You know what, friend? You’re already part of a ‘squad’… US. And we’re getting pretty sick of feeling like your silver medal. So here’s a #SquadGoal for you: respect your own bloody squad or find a new one!

TayTay

Okay Swiftie, so you’ve given her a nickname - ’TayTay’ - and, to be clear, it’s a pretty stupid one because it’s the exact same length as her actual name. That’s like giving your friend ‘Steven’ the nickname ’Samuel'. For what it’s worth, ’taytay' is also the nickname for a potato. Is your favourite singer a starchy tuberous veggie? No, she’s not, and you’d get pretty angry if anyone else suggested that, which brings us to...

RAGE

When Dr Bruce Banner (aka ‘The Hulk’) gets angry, things get pretty dire. But if the writers of the next Avengers movie are looking for a villain to properly challenge Thor and the gang, they need look no further than an enraged Taylor Swift fan. We’re talking, like, ‘next level’ angry. If your life were a video game, angry Swifties would be the final boss. They’re terrifying - pouncing on each and every anti-Swift comment and losing their shiz over even the smallest thing. When Michael J Fox quipped that she shouldn’t date his son, for example, Swifties sent him death threats. In fact, here’s a handy pie chart to let you know what can and can’t be mentioned to a Swiftie:

Haters Gonna Hate

While we’re on the subject, “haters gonna hate” is not a sufficient response to any and all criticism levelled at Ms Swift. On grammatical grounds alone, it’s a truism and offers us absolutely no valuable information. ‘Haters gonna hate’? Yes, that is factually correct. That is what someone who hates something is likely to do. More broadly, though, saying it is just ridiculously childish. Remember when you were five and answered every question with “because”? This is the grown up version. “Haters gonna hate”? About this - you’re bloody right we are.

Kanye's Banned For Life

Now don’t get us wrong, what Kanye did to Swift at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards was unforgivable. Even if you agreed with him that Beyonce’s video was better, it's still no excuse to rain on Tay’s parade. That said, people make mistakes and, on some occasions, also then make pretty fantastic albums that you might sometimes want to listen to. Sadly, if you’re friends with a Swiftie, you’re never allowed to listen to, like or even mention Kanye West ever again, unless it’s to read a news report about his death… which will probably happen at the hands of a Swiftie.

iSWIFT

Yes, Taylor Swift took on Apple earlier this year and won. It was very impressive, even if she was just one of many, many artists who’d complained about the tech giant's poorly-conceived royalties decision. However, this was not the David vs Goliath battle that Swifties like to make out. As the most popular singer in the English language, it was more Goliath vs Bigger Goliath, and her victory does not make her a hero. Heroes run into burning buildings, or work triple shifts in the emergency room because of understaffing. This was a dispute about getting paid. The word you’re looking for isn’t ‘hero’, it’s ‘businesswoman’.

Love Is In The Air

Being friends with a Swiftie is to accept that they will be infinitely more interested in the love life of a singer they’ve never met, than that of their closest friends. “Oh, you just got dumped? Yeah, TayTay too. Except she wasn’t dumped, she dumped him, and he totally deserved it because he parted his hair to the right last month and she didn’t like it as much. So anyway, he should probably die from acid or a car crash or something horrible and…hey, why are you crying? Is it because TayTay’s single again? Yeah, that makes me sad too. Let’s hug…and listen to 1989”.

That Victoria's Secret Show

Let’s be honest, we all love this thing. Men, women, boys and girls - there’s something in it for everyone. And credit where credit’s due, Taylor put in a killer performance. Problem is, to even mention the show to a Swiftie is to set them off on such a gushing eulogy as to feel like it was actually the ‘Taylor Swift Show - starring nobody except Taylor Swift who looked hotter and more like a supermodel than any actual supermodel that might’ve been there… but they weren’t, because it was just TayTay being OMG hot!’ Bottom line, to pretend this was all about Swift is to ‘do a Kanye’, and you know how you feel about that.

Proselytising

Just like newly-married couples, Swifties can’t help but try to convert everyone else to their way of life. They’re Swift Missionaries - ‘Swiftonaries’, if you will - and they’ll stop at nothing to get you on board. “Just listen to Blank Space,” they’ll say. “I’ve heard it,” you’ll reply, but it won’t do any good. “No no no,” they’ll continue, "you’ve got to LISTEN to it. Like here, those notes? Aren’t they perfect!?” It’s not enough to like Taylor Swift, you have to LOVE her. Anything short of that is, apparently, hating her - a crime punishable by Swiftie Death.

But… I'm Swift-ish Too

Last, but perhaps most difficult of all, is actually liking Taylor Swift quite a bit yourself. Somehow, instead of that being your golden ticket into total #SquadGoal Super Swiftie Enhanced Friendship with your Swifitie friend, it acts like some sort of challenge, and they totally burr up. “Oh, you like this song? Well, I love it. I love it more than my family and democracy and freedom and kitten videos on YouTube. I’ve always loved it. I’ve loved it before she even wrote it. So, whatever - stop just jumping on the bandwagon, loser.”

'By Tom Glasson'