Tom Hiddleston is the perfect gent of an English actor. He's RADA-trained, Shakespeare-acquainted, beloved by the indie film scene and the blockbuster circuit alike AND known to many of all ages as the wicked comic-book villain Loki.

So, of course, there are entire websites dedicated to imagining him performing filthy sexytimes to himself and others.Of course.

As his new gothic horror film Crimson Peak is out now, we found the best of the worst Hiddleston smut on the Internet. Remember: these stories actually came from someone's brain.

Loki and Thor

The Story:It should probably come as no surprise that ‘Hiddlesworth’ stories are a frequently visited subgenre of the Tom Hiddleston fanfic arena. And it should come as an unwelcome shock that most seem to revel in the ick-factor of Thor and Loki being raised as brothers.

This story takes place during the course of the first Thor film, with the Norse hunk drowning his sorrows in mead after Odin declares him unfit to rule Asgard. And where does he seek solace? At the bed chambers of a closeted Loki, of course.

Creepiest Quote We Can Actually Print:“I recalled the first time I looked upon him as more than a brother. It had been after a hunting trip, which I hated tremendously, but we and the Warriors Three had gone to the communal bathhouse. How they convinced me to such, I will never understand. Thor was fifteen, I barely thirteen…”

It is doubtful that any of this can be found as a deleted scene in the Marvel film vaults.

Read it if you dare:Sweet Lies & Cruel Vows

Tom and… Loki

The Story:Another common theme – Tom Hiddleston meeting his own character somehow and the two doing what can only come naturally in such surreal circumstances. They get it awwwn.

Here, Loki is banished to our real world where he meets Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth (who is drunk again – this seems to be a common theme). Tom and Loki instantly fall in love with each other, with the trickster God of Mischief finding redemption in his love for a manwho looks exactly like him.

Creepiest Quote We Can Actually Print:“Who was he to refuse sex with a God, especially with one as devastatingly beautiful as Loki?”

Dude, that’s YOURSELF you’re talking about.

Read it if you dare:Shades Of Turquoise

Tom and… er… Carlos Santana

The Story:In an unbearable summer heat, a college-years Tom Hiddleston tries to prepare some work for his art exam, only to get distracted by his dorm roommate, who seems to get increasingly aroused by Tom’s Santana CDs.

This is basically fanfic centred around the fact that the writer clearly loves Santana.

Creepiest Quote We Can Actually Print:“I closed my eyes wrapped in the sensations while in the background the beginning of ‘Black Magic Woman’ started to sound. At that time I did not know whether for better or for worse.”

Read it if you dare:Summer Nights

Tom and… some cake?

The Story:Told in the second-person, YOU are a baking enthusiast creating some sweet treats for your brother’s party… only to discover that he has invited the entire cast of Only Lovers Left Alive. This must literally happen all the time.

As Tom – although in this story he is for some reason only referred to as his character name Adam – succumbs to the cakey goodness and decides that he must immediately do whoever baked them.

Creepiest Quote We Can Actually Print:“You take the cupcake from his hand. You use the decorative caramel crystal to scoop some cheese frosting with a piece of the chocolate cake and raspberry jam and bring it to his mouth. ‘Bite the crystal and close your eyes’”

Disclaimer: Don’t try this at a Gregg’s.

Read it if you dare:A Sweet Evening

Tom covered in blood

The Story:“Tom Hiddleston covered in blood (on stage of course) has always been a kink of mine…” offers the writer as an explanation. Except it DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING.

This is literally one long, sordid and very descriptive filthy story, which takes place backstage after Tom ends a play covered in fake blood. Because sexy?

Creepiest Quote We Can Actually Print:“The sight of him before you as he f***s you covered in stage blood and sweat, his muscles rippling under the light sheen is too much to take.”

We are agreed on that last part.

Read it if you dare:The Spoils Of War

- By Matt Looker