Celebrity Death Match: Lara Croft Vs. The World
Lara Croft vs a bunch of famous fictional characters. Who'd win? FIGHT!
Lara Croft has been an icon for 20 years, the most successful videogame heroine of all time, and the most badass character of all time. Her status has been proven time and time again through battles with aliens, cultist, mercenaries, Egyptian gods, even a dinosaur! (Seriously, look it up.)
There are many imitators and challengers to the throne, but Lady Lara is here to meet every challenge and knock them down at her feet, the true champion forever and always. You can check out her new adventure in Rise of the Tomb Raider (out now on Xbox One), but until then, take a look at how each challenge plays out and what sets Lara apart from everyone else who dares step to her.
Katniss Everdeen vs. Lara Croft
Katniss is an icon of modern society, a leader of oppressed people to rise up and fight against a regime that rules with an iron fist. No one can dare discount Katniss in her leadership and excellent bow skills, but at the end of the day Katniss would rather not kill, she hopes to lead a movement. Lara is essentially a highly trained killing machine that can take out hundreds of cultists before breakfast. While her bow skills may pale in comparison, Lara is an expert at hundreds of weapons and hand to hand combat. Katniss would be severely outmatched once Lara got close enough to exploit her physical advantage, at which point it would only be a matter of time before the battle ends without an arrow being shot.
Black Widow vs. Lara Croft
Black Widow is a highly trained assassin that has fought everything from genetically enhanced super spies to globe-conquering aliens, and while she more than holds her own, she truly shines as a cog in a larger machine, the Avengers machine. She fills a roll that is perfectly suited for her, and is able to provide strategic support without batting an eye. Lara Croft is the ultimate loner; she is dropped into the middle of the worst possible scenarios and has taken out everything from mercenaries, to alien artifacts, to Egyptian gods. Lara will put the pressure on Black Widow almost immediately, not letting her get her bearings or regroup. With no backup to fall back on Black Widow will eventually succumb to the relentless attacking from Lara.
Indiana Jones vs. Lara Croft
Lara will have her hands filled in this battle, for every adventure and tomb she has plundered Indy has her met. While Lara may have taken on entire islands of mercenaries and crazed cultists, Indy destroyed the Nazi quest for ancient mystical artifacts at every turn. Matched equally in fighting skills, Lara starts to pull ahead with her extensive knowledge of weapons; I mean, Indy never rocked a bow. Lara barely squeaks this one out, but really, considering Indy ended up spawning Mutt (Shia LeBeouf) I think we all know that this outcome may have been obvious once that is thrown into the mix.
Alice vs. Lara Croft
This one is tricky. Alice has extensive skills in disposing of zombie hordes, zombie dogs, zombie mutants; basically if it’s undead, she has probably killed it. Lara has pretty much covered the rest of the baddies that pop up. The question is could Lara take out zombies? Given her quick thinking and ability to adapt zombies would be merely a bump in the road for her, her range attacks would wipe out wave after wave without having to resort to hand to hand combat. Alice is skilled but her scope is far too narrow to be a worthy competitor.
Chun-Li vs. Lara Croft
Lara would have to stay far, far away from Chun Li, to get anywhere close would be absolutely defeat from Lara. Chun Li would unleash lighting kick after kick that would only take one shot to knockout Lara. Lara would be quick to realize the danger of a hand to hand battle and would position far away and pick at her with long range arrows and shots. Chun Li would block and avoid but it would only be a matter of time before fatigue set in and Lara was able to get by her defenses for the win.
Princess Leia vs. Lara Croft
At first glimpse it seems this would be a cakewalk for Lara; she has the weapon skills, the fighting skills, and the experience to overwhelm Leia. The wrinkle is the latent Jedi powers that Leia has thanks to her father, Darth Vader (30 year old spoiler warning?). While Leia did eventually manifest those powers and in fact became a Jedi Knight, all of those stories are now non-canon so in our current world, she is just a Princess with a fighter spirit, at least until The Force Awakens?
Master Chief vs. Lara Croft
This one seems like a massive mismatch, and honestly it is. Master Chief has his fill of automatic weapons, grenades and most importantly armor. Weapons-wise Lara can match his firepower and in fact has better aim to hit targets, but if he has his armor he is virtually unstoppable. Lara has an intangible that works in her favor and swings things toward her; her agility is unmatched. Due to her fast thinking and quick feet, she would topple over the Spartan tank in his armor and create a favorable position, and she will need those quick feet to keep one step ahead of the firepower, but at the end of the day, speed and brains beats raw power.
Nathan Drake vs. Lara Croft
Nathan Drake is the new kid on the block, filling next-gen consoles with slick adventures and epic marksmanship. It is true, Nathan Drake is one of the most complex and accomplished characters to be developed in a long time, and while he has made his mark in some truly phenomenal adventures, he would be nothing without the original. Nathan Drake is New Coke compared to Classic Coke of Lara Croft. Long before Nathan Drake was a glimmer in Naughty Dog’s eye, Lara was discovering ancient relics and fighting Egyptian gods with a revolver.
Michonne vs. Lara Croft
Michonne is a phenomenal warrior, fuelled by loss and pain, but she is a warrior out of necessity. She has been driven to that by the world she inhabits; there isn’t a predilection for those skills, not trained since birth for that type of world. Lara would just be too much to handle for Michonne, she would hold her own for a while, but at the end of the day, there’s just too much skill on Lara’s end to really overcome.
Ellie vs. Lara Croft
You would think this would be a stomp by Lara, but Ellie is as hard as they come, as anyone who has play The Last of Us knows. She is a survivor and can adapt to anything, her skills and quick thinking will give Lara fits, and earn her respect from Lara the longer it drags out. To overcome the younger, creative Ellie, Lara will have to delve deep into her bag of tricks to come up with something mystical to cause confusion which is just the advantage she needs to overtake Ellie for good.
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Hermione vs. Lara Croft
Magic is not new for Lara; however that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a rough battle for her. Hermione would be rocking spells left and right that would leave Lara reeling, causing her to regroup and gather a game plan that would focus on Hermione’s wand. Once her sights were set on that, she would quickly eliminate that from the equation and coast to an easy win after that.
Chell vs. Lara Croft
Lara would be taken aback by Chell’s portal gun, needing lots of improvisation to counter the initial onslaught. Lara would eventually figure out the patterns and understand how to exploit the environment to gain an advantage, even with GlaDOS helping Chell would not be able to withstand the arsenal of Lara. Puzzles are nothing new to Lara and once she realizes that exploiting and solving the puzzles are the key to the win, it would only be a matter of time before she racked up another win.
Angelina Jolie vs. Lara Croft
The battle to end all battles, the icon being challenged by the woman who embodied her in real life; to say this would be close would be an understatement. Angelina completely owned her role as Lara bringing to life her badass mentality and physicality. A skilled actor and director, nothing seems to be out of reach for Angelina but could she do all of it without stuntmen? Without months and months of training? Without a butchered accent? I think not, Lara will always be lucky to have such an icon to embody her, but at the end of the day, the real deal can be imitated but not surpassed.