Vicky Pattison

Vicky Pattison: 'I'm the reality TV version of Adele and Taylor Swift!'

The Geordie brunette reveals why they're basically the same people...

Tuesday, October 27, 2015 - 10:59

Is it their stunning vocals? Their incredible paths to success? Or their cunning way with words?

If like us, you're a bit mystified as to what Geordie Shore and Ex On The Beach star Vicky Pattison has in common with global superstars Adele and Taylor Swift, the lass has revealed it's actually their choice in men.

Which is apparently REGRETTABLE - to say the least.

Writing in her New! magazine column this week Vicky says: "We're quite similar in a way - we always pick the wrong men and then slag them off afterwards."

"I'm like the reality TV version of her (Adele) and Taylor Swift!"

It's a slightly far-fetched comparison - but we can see what the lass is going for.

However while songstresses Adele and Swifty make millions sharing their broken hearts with legions of fans acros the globe - and Adele's latest track breaking Taylor Swift's Vevo record - Vicky admits: "I slag them off in my New! column instead - ha!"

A platform is a platform #justsaying.

Proof That Vicky Pattison & Alex Cannon Are TV's Best BFFs

The Judge Geordie besties are the cutest non-couple of all time.

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They look gorgeous together.

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Like, seriously gorgeous.

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But they're NOT a couple.

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We promise.

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They do flirt a bit.

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But they're not into each other like that.

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They're besties.

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Which is even better.

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Because they've got amazing bants.

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And they always know what the other one's thinking.

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They're totally on the same wavelength.

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Completely in synch.

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Like all BFFs should be.

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And despite being a bit gorgeous.

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OK, really gorgeous.

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Like, really really gorgeous.

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Really really REALLY ridiculously gorgeous.

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They're always ready to have a laugh.

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Because if you can't have a laugh with your BFF, who can you have a laugh with.

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Life without laughs would be boring as f**k.

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And life without a BFF would be just the same.

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Seriously, we're so happy these two found each other.

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They belong together.

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Best friends forever.

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So could the Geordie lass be making a foray into music to share her tales of love gone wrong?

Not likely, Vicky admits. "Sadly I can't sing, I sound like a strangled cat," she reckons.

"I used to play the recorder, then tried the clarinet, but I didn't have enough puff!"

Probably harder than it looks to do that whole international pop star thing. Best stick to Instaquotes then, yeah?

The World According To Vicky Pattison

We're celebrating Judge Geordie's Vicky with her best bits. Here are just some of the mint one-liners she's come out with over the years...

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"At the end of the day, I'd rather be hated for something I am, than loved for being something I'm not."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"How to make your ex jealous? Lose loads of weight and get lush."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"He's sweating like a fat lass at a disco."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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“Charlotte and Gaz are having another f**king argument about one of them pulling. In other shocking news water is wet.”

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"There's no 'I' in Team, but there is a 'U' in C**t."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Did I have sex with him? No. Did I touch him in inappropriate places? No. I just held his ear."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I had a longer relationship with a pair of socks."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Absense does not make the heart grow fonder. Absense makes the heart grow slightly slaggy."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"You're completely and utterly f**king replaceable."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"The kid is like f**king Chlamydia. Easy to pick up, but a nightmare to get rid off!"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"They're like Romeo and Juliet... if Romeo was a TWAT!"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"She's really really irritating. Really annoying. She's like thrush!"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"What to do when it's just the lasses? Cocks, canapés and cocktails for everyone!"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Never go back to an ex. They are exes for a reason."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I was strong. I was confident and I was all these things and now I'm none of those things and I have to get them back."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Has Gary got a chocolate cock that I don't know about? Some sort of battenburg bellend?"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Now, my French isn't what it was, but I know enough to get by. Voulez-vous tash on avec moi, pet?"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"He changes his mind more than most girls change their knickers."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I've got about as much control as a weight watcher in a sweet shop."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Charlotte mate, Santa Claus isn't real. Chocolate makes you fat. Fish can only live in water. Gary will f**king pull anybody else if he can. Wise up, mate."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I'm me and you're meant to love me for me."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"He is not a knight in shining armour, he's a c**t with a quiff."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I'm never the type of person that cries over an argument, I'm more likely to just raise my f**king voice louder than the person I'm arguing with."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I've never been one to mask my opinion or hide exactly how I feel."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"If they've got a dick, they're going to be a prick."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"There's plenty of things I'd rather do than this evening's date… Go for a smear. Eat glass…"

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"I think I'd rather f**king cheese grate my own nipples than listen to his voice for any longer."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"She's about as much fun as a poke in the eye."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"Shut up will ya? Or fucking have something interesting to say, you bellend."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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"All you've gotta say when you're in Mexico is 'Dos Jagerbomb por favor' or 'Dos vodka Red Bull por favor!'."

Instagram (@vicky_gshore)

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