Depending on whether you're fan or not, your inner goddess is either jumping for joy or you're hiding under your desk so people will stop asking you if you've bought the new bloody Fifty Shades Of Grey book, handily called Grey.
Written as a re-telling ofthe first novel in the trilogy but through the POV of Christian, EL James'latest release is set to be a massive hit - so, here's what we've learned about Mr. Grey and co. now that we've been allowed inside his fit but rather creepy head...
1. Grey is basically Christian's very own diary
Instead of Ana's boring Chapter One, Chapter Two etc set up, Christian's chapters are marked by dates,because he is a business man doing business type things.
2. Welcome back, the return of sexy paperwork
An actual sentence from the book: "I pore over the executive summary for the hundredth time since I received it two days ago, looking for some insight into the enigmatic Miss Anastasia Rose Steele."
PHEW, there is nothing more attractive than a man investigating your life in order to find a way to manipulate you into falling for him.
3. NSFW hand-holding occurs...
"She's too young. She's too inexperienced, but, damn, I like the feel of her hand in mine." Is it hot in here or is it just us?
4. Christian hates indie music, better luck next time Tame Impala
When he goes looking for Ana in a bar where she drunk dialled him (classic), Christian reveals that the indie music they're playing 'makes him feel old'. You're 28, you sociopath.
5. Christian isn't happy that Ana has made him totally obsessed with her
"I like invented her, you know what I mean?" is a genuine thing we expected EL to have Christian say/think.
This is what he actually says: "How the hell can she just waltz into my study and seduce me? I'm supposed to be in control of this relationship." Well that isn't how life works, babes.
6. He REALLY doesn't like Ana's roommate Kate
Which isn't really surprising since Christian clearly hates fun and interesting people, but Grey confirms this as he apparently 'swears a lot' when it comes to her. And not in the romantic way we're used to with him.
7. EL has taken Christian's vocab to a new, incredible level
In case you were worried EL's 'baby kangaroo Tribbiani' approach to a thesauras would be toned down for her latest book, worry not. Christian literally refers to Ana as a 'sassy wench' according to Twitter, so we've clearly reached peak literature here.
8. Speaking of the challenge of EL writing from the POV of a man...
She's got it covered, people. For example, this insightful sentence: "My hair is wet from my shower, but I don't give a sh*t." EL understandsmen on a spiritual level.
9. Christian hated Ana being a virgin more than we first thought
Any fans who were defendinghimin the first Fifty Shades book, when Ana thinks he’s ‘angry’ about her being a virgin, well...
"Anger lances through me. What can I do with a virgin? I glare at her as fury surges through my body." Such a gentleman.
10. Christian genuinely considers a 'vanilla relationship' with Ana
Who said romance isdead? At the end of Grey (and no, this doesn't count as spoilers because this book has happened already, YOU KNOW HOW IT TURNS OUT), when Ana leaves him, Christian actually considers a normal relationship with her. Obviously that doesn't happen, but it's nice that he thought about it.
11. Christian is WAY sexier in his head than Ana is...
Meaning that this book feels well saucier compared to the last three. Do with that what you will.